Yesterday was the closest to “normal” I’ve felt for a while. Before all of this COVID19 business really took us all by storm, our family had been in the midst of adjusting to a new home, new life, and new baby. My husband had just returned to work from his paternity leave and had traveled for a week. I had already felt I was struggling.
A comedian once made the joke, “If you want to know what it’s like to have four kids, imagine you’re drowning, and someone hands you a baby.” Ha! I thought this was humorous when I had four, but now I have five, so I was basically drowning and being handed a baby and a toddler. I was surviving, but I knew more was going to be required from me to keep our family afloat.
February was a hard month. I withdrew a bit and was looking for the light at the end of the tunnel when COVID19 started to creep in from the peripheral. Well, now it’s front and center and I’m being asked to stand for the occasion. We all are.
I feel like I’ve been going through the stages of grief in regards to this virus. At first, denial. It may be a big problem there, but it won’t be here. Then anger, why won’t anyone take this seriously? I tried bargaining with those I loved to keep them safe. I felt a deep sadness as the weight of the situation felt too heavy to bare. Now finally, I can feel myself slipping toward acceptance. If you’re familiar with these stages, you know you can move between them and continue to cycle through them. It’s a human response to loss and we are all mourning a life we once had.
The problems I was experiencing before the pandemic, did not go away, but took a backseat, as there were more imminent issues to face. However; as I’ve begun my journey of acceptance, I feel more capable and ready to slowly welcome back my previous challenges. Honestly, they were banging at my door, whether I was ready or not.
But yesterday felt good. I didn’t neglect to acknowledge the world’s problems, but I had an inner focus. I had felt those other stages of grief and let them run through me, experiencing each one fully. Yesterday, I accepted things for what they were and was present for my family. It’s amazing the difference our presence can make. Our loved ones know when we are there and when we’re not.
I picked up where I had left off and took charge of my own adjustment. When I was still working, one of the biggest compliments I received from my Nurse Supervisor, was that I was “adaptable.” Her words pop in my head from time to time when I need to hear them. “You are adaptable.” Someone felt the need to tell me this explicitly as a positive trait. I can do this. I can adapt to moving, to selling a house, to having a new baby, to having a large family, to repairing a hundred-year-old house, to starting a farm, to the change in seasons, to my husband returning to work and his travel…I can adapt to COVID19. And so can you. You are adaptable. It’s one of your best qualities as a member of the human race. Our ancestors have done it for survival and we will too.
Stay home. Stay safe. Adapt.